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I Love the Truth

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I love the truth. Like a babe, I hold it close to my heart. I feel its warmth against my chest, as it nestles in. I am a mother bear, totally committed to this truth. I revere it, whatever the price and sometimes there is a one. The thing about this truth is, it has many faces. I express it differently from you. It manifests in my life in a way that is unique to me and there in lies the challenge and the opportunity. To honour the truth in me, I must honour the truth as it shows up for you. At its very core it is one truth. You and I are divine beings. We are perfect replications of the source of all things.  We are children of God. Our experience of this may differ, the way we come to know this varies and the way it expresses in each of our lives is unique, but at the core there is only the truth.

As 2014 unfolds, and we stand at the precipice of a new beginning, I put words to paper to express the truth in my life. I do this not as a resolution, but as a renewal of commitment.  It begins with the recognition that I am absolutely complete and perfect as I am. There is nothing to fix, nothing to change, no one’s version of me to live up to. Love starts with me. My whole life I wanted to be understood. To be seen for who I AM. I know now that this is an impossible dream. You will never see me as I AM, you will only see your story of me. You will see your reflection of you. When I look at you I see light reflecting light. I see the miracle that you are and I see your perfection. When I notice a flaw, I know that the flaw is in me and has nothing to do with you. And so I let it be in both of us. I accept and love us both because the only thing that separates us is the belief that what is, should be different. I see myself, the pure essence of who I AM. I embrace her; I am in awe of her. I AM oneness, and everything exists in me. 

I know too, that I am not in control. There was a time when I believed that I could change what is with a thought, an action or just plane hard work. I believed that I manifested my future. If I thought good thoughts, good things would happen. If I asked for something just the right way it would come. I was in control. The truth is, we are all actors in a divine play called Life. Life will unfold and the only thing I have control of is my reaction to this unfolding. When I choose acceptance of what is; when I let go of resistance and nestle into the knowledge that I may not see it now, but there is perfection to this unfolding, I know peace. This means that everything that comes up in my life is embraced. Sadness is embraced, as is joy. Anger is embraced, as is forgiveness. Love is embraced, as is conflict. When I include all of it, there is no need to label anything good or bad. It just is and miracles follow. The miracle is that life lives me, one moment at a time.

Finally, I choose love over fear. For much of my life I lived from fear and scarcity, holding on tight to what I had, grasping at what I didn’t. The truth is the more I hang on and grasp, the harder it is to keep things. It is only now that I choose love and generosity over lack and fear that I realize that if something or someone leaves, it makes room for something new. I realize the more I give, the more I receive. I know now that abundance is not about having or not having, it is a state of being. I live in the state of abundance and my life is full.

There are times when it is difficult to love myself fully, embrace life as it is and not buy into the fear that is my conditioning and permeates our society. There are times when I go down the old, well-worn, self-defeating paths and I recognized that this too is just part of the journey.  Sometimes it takes a day, a week or even a month to get back on track, other times, I see it and I am totally connected and in the flow instantaneously. Either way, I embrace that too. This momentary “fall from grace” is just a part of the “Leela” (Sanskrit for play) and I AM the observer watching it all unfold.

The other night in my meditation, I asked for guidance. “What is my purpose?” I inquired for the thousandth time. As it often does for me, guidance came in the form of a dream. I dreamt I was given a baby to hold, and protect. The baby in the dream was me. She is the truth as it manifests in my life. She is who I am and I hold her dear. As I held her close in my dream, I could smell her sweet scent, I felt her downy softness against my cheek and my love grew. I know with a complete certainty that my purpose is to love me unconditionally. Resting in this divine love, I open my heart to Life, and she lives me.